


What Difference Does it Make?

by shocked_into_shame



Category: The Smiths
Genre: Andy tries to play matchmaker, Angsty Moz, M/M, One-Sided Relationship, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-21
Updated: 2015-02-21
Packaged: 2018-03-14 08:01:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3402980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shocked_into_shame/pseuds/shocked_into_shame
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Moz realizes how much he cares about Johnny. And how useless that is.<br/>[Originally Posted to Tumblr]</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Difference Does it Make?

 It begins after a particularly good gig. The shows they played before we rather disappointing, as they had not yet amassed a steady following. However, this night is amazing; the pulsing roar of the audience fills Morrissey's veins, fuels him to give one of his greatest performances yet. He's nothing short of tired, and he longs to go home, feed his cat, and sleep for an indefinite amount of time.

But Johnny is the exact opposite, strangely enough; usually cool and collected Johnny is absolutely energized, supercharged from the applause and the attention. He's still wearing his guitar in the greenroom, even though the show ended nearly twenty minutes ago. In the midst of smoking a cig, he pauses ever so often between puffs of smoke to strum a random guitar chord or speak about the gig.

The band can't leave yet; it's a security issue, as fans file out of the small venue, so they have been advised, _forced_ , to sit in the greenroom for an hour after the show is done. Andy sits on the floor, absolutely lethargic and smoking a cigarette, almost down to the butt. Mike is sprawled out on the loveseat, fast asleep, breathing audible as he naps.

“I don't think 'What Difference Does It Make' has ever sounded so good, mate,” Johnny says excitedly to Morrissey, the only person paying any attention to him. The guitarist puts his cigarette between his teeth and says, out of the corner of his mouth, “Especially on this riff right here,” before proceeding to play it, albeit rather sloppily.

The singer can't bear to stop Johnny, as he's never quite seen him so excited before. Morrissey is sitting in a comfortable chair, his eyes drooping and threatening to close, but he fights it, trying to avoid falling asleep and leaving Johnny alone in his excitement. It's strange, this longing Moz has to please Johnny, to do whatever it is that Johnny wants. Never before has he connected with a person on the level he connects with Johnny, and he desperately longs for his friendship.

But now, sitting sleepily in the greenroom as Johnny gives a full play-by-play of the concert (as though Moz wasn't there), Morrissey begins to feel something a bit different. A slight curling of his gut, a slight flutter in his chest.

He doesn't really understand what that means.

 

 

It's one week later, and the Smiths have another gig set for the next night, so they have been rehearsing for a little over an hour. They decide to take a quick break, and Morrissey uses this opportunity to drink some water and nibble on a packet of crisps. Mike is quietly tapping a drum beat into his lap, lounging on the ragged couch in their rehearsal space. Andy is mid-story, apparently quite a funny one, if Johnny's uncontrollable laughter is a good gauge.

Morrissey feels slight jealousy as he watches, a voyeur to the comfort and friendship that Andy and Johnny share. He understands that the guitarist and bassist had been best friends for years, knows that he has known Johnny for a startlingly short amount of time in comparison. But that doesn't stop him from resenting Andy for being able to connect with Johnny in a way he just can't seem to.

Moz thinks Johnny's smile is shockingly beautiful, in that moment. Which, of course, is a startling thought. What's even more startling, however, is the singer's desire to be the only one who puts that smile on his face.

Of course, the alarming quality of those two thoughts pale in comparison to the third; Morrissey wants to kiss that smile. A lot. Over and over again. Which is not like Moz, not at all; he has decided to be celibate, and typically does not feel any sort of desire to be romantic with anyone.

But, somehow, he just wants to wrap his arms around the shorter man and kiss him until he cannot think straight anymore.

This, Morrissey decides, could be a dangerous desire to have.

 

Of course, Moz keeps these things to himself. As months pass and the popularity of the Smiths increases, so does Morrissey's attraction, and dare he say love, for Johnny. Luckily enough, as does their friendship, and Moz finds that it is very possible to be the one to make Johnny smile, nowadays. The singer, although unhappy about not being able to cuddle and kiss and _love_ Johnny, is pleased with the development of their amity.

This, of course, has to come crashing down, as all good things tend to do for Moz. One night, after a particularly strenuous gig, Johnny is fast asleep. Mike is in the alleyway smoking, as Morrissey had kindly (or, perhaps, not so kindly) requested that his bandmates try to avoid smoking in the same room with him, especially before and after gigs. They don't always heed this request (why would they?) but it's a beautiful night and Mike had seen a pretty girl in the front row make eyes at him, so he hoped he would somehow see her.

That leaves Andy and Moz together, sitting in a comfortable silence. The desire to stare at Johnny's peaceful sleeping form proves to be difficult to resist, so Moz does so, hoping that Andy would believe he was just zoning out.

The blonde, of course, picks up on Morrissey's staring right away; in fact, Andy had been suspicious about the nature of Moz's feelings for Johnny for a few weeks now, and now felt it was his duty as Johnny's best friend to say something about it.

As he has absolutely no tact, however, this 'something' comes out as, “You really want to bang Johnny, huh?”

This sends the quiffed man into a fit of blushes and throat-clearings, not sure what to say to that. Andy is, of course, correct, but he doesn't know if he should admit to that.

The bassist just laughs and shakes his head, grabbing a pack of cigs and getting up with a slight stretch. “Well, you should tell him. I don't think I've ever seen Johnny with another man before, but take it from me; he feels _something_ for you. I'm going to go check on Mike.”

Andy leaves Morrissey to sit alone, watching Johnny sleep and thinking deeply about what has transpired. The temptation to go along with what Andy says, to _believe_ that Johnny could possibly feel something for him is strong.

He settles on throwing a blanket over Johnny, getting up, and heading home, where he sheds a few tears before falling asleep.

 

 

The next night, they are all packing up to leave rehearsal. Andy sends a wink in Moz's direction before pulling Mike away, leaving Morrissey and Johnny alone together. Moz knows that this is his chance as Johnny pulls on his leather jacket and sunglasses, making his way to the exit. This is the opportunity to come straight out, and just tell Johnny how he feels. But what can he say?

“Johnny, I usually hate people and I have never fallen in love with anyone before, but, for some reason you light up my world and I want to write a million songs for you and a million and one diary entries about you like a lovesick teenager”? No, Moz can't say that. But he desperately has to say something.

“Johnny?”

Johnny turns, and something about the tone in Morrissey's voice must strike him as he pulls up his sunglasses, meeting the singer's blue eyes.

“Yeah, mate?”

“Well, I...” Now is his chance. There are a million different things he could say, quite a few things he could do, and he almost settles on one before the crippling thought occurs to him: _What if Andy is wrong?_ What if Johnny most certainly doesn't have any feelings for him, and this frivolous confession somehow hinders the band? What if this is the worst mistake of his life? To hell with love. Moz doesn't _need_ love; he doesn't need other people... Right?

“Actually. Nevermind. Goodnight, Johnny.”

 

Morrissey never tries anything else, after that.  


End file.
